Seven Steps for a Digital Detox—With No FOMO

Do you sleep with the phone next to your bed? Or worse, on or under your pillow—pinging or vibrating with every text, tweet, or notification? Do you feel insecure if your device isn’t nearby or on your person? 

If you answered yes to any of these queries, maybe it’s time for a digital detox.

If we are going to preach to our kids to be less dependent upon technology in their daily lives, and tell them to limit their screen time, then we should model balanced digital habits ourselves. To help with that, here are seven simple steps for a digital detox with no FOMO. 

FOMO or the “Fear Of Missing Out” is the “fear that others elsewhere are having more fun, or that you are missing out on a rewarding experience. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, envy, insecurity, and loneliness,” says Jennifer Shapka, Ph.D., of the University of British Columbia.

Our kids feel FOMO every day. So many of my students come to me in the mornings to borrow device chargers. Why? Usually, it’s because they fell asleep with their phones on the pillow next to them, and not plugged in. They don’t want to miss a single Snap, text, or tweet. They worry that if they’re not posting a selfie about their lives, they’re not living their best life. Sometimes we grownups feel the same thing!

Taking a digital detox, or at least adopting a few new mindful tech techniques, can be a healthy step forward. By disconnecting from our devices we reconnect with, “ourselves, each other, our communities, our families, and the world around us…[we become] more present, authentic, compassionate and understanding,” says Levi Felix of DigitalDetox.org.

Step 1

Alarm Yourself

Buy an alarm clock. Your cell phone is not a cuddly teddy bear, yet some people sleep with their phones. I did a very unscientific Twitter poll, asking my Education Personal Learning Network friends if they sleep with their phones. I was surprised by the responses. Suzie Martin, @librarynbct, a nationally board certified teacher in West Virginia says, “Mostly I lay it on my abdomen if I sleep on my back. Otherwise, it’s clutched in my hand.” Middle school teacher librarian Sarah Russo,

@librelearning says, “I sometimes sleep with it underneath my pillow...It’s what happens when I read on my phone and fall asleep!” Yet another teacher, Sherry Spier, @TheExSPIERience, shared with me that “I am in the minority. I keep my phone downstairs so I can’t be bothered. It is the only time I can get a break. It also is less of a temptation that way. The only time I bring it upstairs is when there is the possibility of snow.” Polly Alida, @pollyalida, says, “I leave mine charging on a shelf across the room, sound turned off and do-not-disturb setting turned on.” 

Since I don’t have a landline, for safety’s sake I do have my phone nearby. I keep my iPhone bedside, face down, with do-not-disturb scheduled from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m., with night shift activated. During that time, the phone will only allow calls from my favorites which include my mom, dad, nephews, my library assistant, and assistant principal.

But let’s face it, alarm clocks are cheap. There are great travel alarm clocks out there for less than $20. Some even have a handy indoor temperature gauge! You could even use an Amazon Echo or Google Home to wake you if you don’t want to go totally low-tech. Why not also give yourself 10 to 20 minutes, or even an hour, to ignore your devices as you get ready for the day with less stress? Get up, get dressed, have coffee, watch the morning news, and maybe check your device only right before you step out of your door. Start the day on your own terms, without worrying about the latest text, tweet, push, or post.

Step 2 

App Attack

I know I have a lot of apps that I don’t use. Every time I go to an EdTech or library conference, read a cool blog post, or participate in a Twitter chat and hear about a neat new app I invariably download it and never use it. Or, I will need a specific app for a conference or event and then forget to delete it.

If you haven’t opened an app lately, delete it. Not only will it simplify your life but it will make your device work faster and better. You can always re-install it from the cloud or App Store later if you should discover it’s really necessary. But I’m gonna bet you’re not going to miss it. Bye Flabby Bird, Trivia Crack, and Candy Crush. Hello HQ Trivia!

Step 3 

Push Back & Follow Less

Push notifications were introduced to save you time, just glancing down at your phone without having to “open” it to keep in touch. But now push notifications can constantly interrupt your life or at least disrupt your workflow. Download more than a few apps and the notifications become a constant, badgering, beeping, buzzing bit of nonsense. I don’t need to know at 2 a.m. the latest political storm, that my Instagram video was viewed over 160 times, or which Real Housewife was caught being naughty in Palm Beach. Stop the noise. Get your news on your own terms and when you want it—not when the app decides you need it. Sadly, neither iOS nor Android offers a fast way to turn off all notifications at once. In both cases, you have to tap into your Settings, then go app-by-app to turn them off. It’s kinda a pain, but completely worthwhile. Hopefully you’ve weeded out those unused apps in the previous step. Put on “Fixer Upper” or “Chopped,” and slice through each app—gleefully killing each notification push. Leave the important stuff on, i.e., texts and phone calls but really, do we need much else? Why not turn them all off and see how it goes? You can always tap them back in if you need to know the latest new hotspot on Yelp! 

While we’re at it, now that you’re not following every step an app takes, why not thin out your social media herd?  I consider social media as a conversation and if someone isn’t listening or contributing (they haven’t posted in six months), what do they bring to my party? Though I do make exceptions for tweeters like @SirKenRobinson, @timgunn,

@guykawasaki, and @ladygaga—who may never follow me back, but who put out great content. I also follow countless non-celebrity talented educators who don’t follow me back but endlessly inspire. But for day to day, I like to curate my conversations as best I can. I like to make the most out of our Education Personal Learning Networks (PLN)—not just follow back everyone who follows me. I follow people who engage, contribute, and interact, just like at a conference or a dinner party. We all learn together!

One of my respected colleagues online, Brent Warner, professor of ESL and proprietor of @EdTechTV says, “We should take it upon ourselves to follow people who provide high quality insights and ideas in teaching and education. In turn, we should commit ourselves to providing the same through our own feeds. I see no problem with teachers who want to grow their online presence, but following people with an ulterior motive such as expecting a follow back does everybody a disservice. Social media should be viewed partly as a conversation, but fruitful conversations grow organically by people who grow to appreciate each other over time. We have to be careful with our approach as the idea of ‘follow for follow’ waters down the quality of our feeds and makes it harder for us to find people [with whom] we can make true connections.”

Step 4 

Digital Free Dining

When I’m out to dinner and I see a family around a table, all on their devices and not talking with each other, it kind of makes me sad. This has been a big thing with my family, to not have our devices out at the dinner table both at home and out at a restaurant. If my dad is on call, he will step away from the table, but otherwise, Mom says no phones at the table. Why not negotiate this? Talk it out and make a deal, one that everyone can live with when it comes to a digital free dinner. Maybe let everyone check their devices until the server comes to the table to take orders. After that, put all phones away and talk to each other. Why not try ‘phone stacking’ in a restaurant or at a family meal? Everyone puts their device in the middle of the table and the first person who reaches for their device buys the next round, picks up the check, clears the table, or just gets teased. Whatever combination works for you. When you’re all together, be together.

Step 5 

Airplane Works

If you’re working out or just working, getting interrupted can be jarring and unproductive. When you turn on Airplane mode, not only are you saving battery life, but you can fully focus on your workout and not your social networks. Plus, you can still listen to your music and playlists.

Enjoy Netflix or stream shows while you work out? Turn on “Do not disturb” by tapping on the little crescent moon icon on an iPhone. I have a friend Sondra, who likes to watch diverting shows that make her workouts more entertaining, and causes time to fly. She’s muscled her way through “Breaking Bad,” “Stranger Things,” and “Black Mirror” at the gym. Sondra just advises against choosing a series like “Game of Thrones” that has, umm...racy scenes, because that could get awkward! Whichever mode you choose, it’s good not to get snapped out of your work or your workout with notifications.

Step 6 

Tech Free Time

Consider sticking with some tech free time. This doesn’t mean you sitting in a dark room in absolute silence, but that is an option! Why not choose to spend time out in nature, reading a book, going to a museum, farmer’s market, or doing an activity that’s not connected to technology? I often sit out in nature and read a book for hours. Admittedly, since I’ve gotten older,  I do read on my iPad. Don’t judge me! I love being able to adjust the font size! But I put it on Airplane mode, unless I want to tweet a quote from the book! See? It’s not easy to dig into a digital detox and schedule tech free time. But it is possible!

Liz Zinger, @liz_zinger, our Murray Hill Middle School math instructional team leader, says that she often puts her devices “in a drawer” on the weekends, or on holiday. That way, she’s really in the moment and not distracted by notifications.

Set yourself up for success by choosing a time period for your Digital Detox. Whether it’s just a Saturday, a Sunday, a weekend, or a whole vacation, challenge yourself by choosing a length of time and sticking with it. But be reasonable. Some of you may need your phone for music, or an iPad or Kindle to read. That’s OK! But if you’re using your device, try to manage not getting distracted by going into Airplane or Do Not Disturb mode the whole time. Most of all, forgive yourself if you backslide. Schedule time (like an hour) in the middle of the vacation to check your work emails and respond. Whether you go cold turkey or just start baby steppin’, taking away some screen time and enjoying some authentic real time can only be beneficial.

Step 7 

Mapping Mindfulness

When you’re at the beach, be at the beach. Or the mountains. Or the desert. Or wherever your happy place might be. Don’t always worry about recording the moment, experience the moment. Mindfulness is a big new thing, or maybe the terminology is new but the action is age old. Savor what’s right in front of you. Stop, smell, and truly pay attention to the roses. Pay full attention to the moment you’re in, rather than allowing your mind to revisit the past or skip ahead to the future. The truth is that we sometimes need to disconnect to reconnect with what is important in life. In this busy, hyper-connected world we live in it’s all too easy to lose ourselves in autopilot for much of the day or even every day. Jon Kabat-Zinn, American professor of medicine emeritus, and a creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness says that, “Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally…. It’s about knowing what is on your mind.” He also asserts that, “Self-distraction is at epidemic proportions—and it’s not the iPhone, it’s the thought of, ‘I wonder if anybody texted me.’” Social media is a constant challenge to mindfulness.

 I really enjoy posting about my students to my Twitter and Instagram accounts, sharing the cool things that go on in our school. I really enjoy connecting with the community, with other educators and friends, which makes practicing mindfulness a daily struggle for me. If you’re on social media, posting, taking pics, Snapchatting, and sharing videos of what you’re doing, you’re not practicing mindfulness. Using your phone, camera, or social media in your daily activities can sometimes take away from the full experience of the present. My older brother (bless his heart) spends more time lining people up and freezing them for posed photos during holiday events than catching up or talking with family members. If this is you, consider meeting in the middle. Take pictures of the great things that happen, catch the beautiful sunset, the cute puppy face, that perfect yoga pose, Mom’s amazing lasagna, and post them all—later. After the moment, in a downtime. Still sharing, but not distracted. Not pulled out of the magical moment of right now.

By giving ourselves permission to unplug from the noisy planet, the social swirl, the digital daze, we can reevaluate our path, take stock in life, strengthen our relationships, and move forward with a sense of purpose and belonging. Deciding on a digital detox, mapping and practicing mindfulness can only be good for you, but it’s your decision. Tweet or Instagram me your thoughts! Just kidding. Kinda. Sorta.

You can find @GwynethJones on Twitter, @TheDaringLibrarian on Instagram, or on her DaringLibrarian.com blog.