Under any circumstance, having a spouse in assisted living is stressful. But a retired educator in New Jersey found it even more daunting and scary during the COVID-19 pandemic.
She had always taken her husband’s laundry home to wash, and she found the simple, familiar task kept her connected to him once he was quarantined. But that routine became much more challenging.
She often had to wait for long periods to pick up the laundry from busy aides, and she worried about the health risks of even this brief contact. Video chats with her husband were also a challenge—as the large facility had only four tablets for all of the residents to share.
So what should older adults look out for in themselves and their loved ones? According to the National Alliance on Mental Health, signs of depression may include being excessively tired, having trouble sleeping, being irritable, and losing interest in activities that once brought pleasure.
“It’s not really retirement—but the move from work to retirement and how the worker manages that process—that can have integral implications for health and well- being trajectories after retirement,” says Dhaval Dave, an economics professor at Bentley University
in Waltham, Mass., and a research- er for the National Bureau of Economic Research who has studied this time of life. People should prepare specifically for the transition itself, he adds.
Craving contact
Orval Garrison, a former high school English and history teacher, agrees. “Some retirees from the education community claim retiring was the best thing to do, some are still exploring what retirement means for them, and some have expressed discontent about what’s left in life,” says Garrison, who is president of the California Teachers Association/NEA-Retired.
But he and other retired educators note that the restrictions and worries brought on by COVID-19 have exacerbated the challenges of retirement.
“One of the biggest emotional challenges is being limited in our contacts with family and friends,” says former first-grade teacher Marilyn Warner, who is the former president of the Florida Education Association–Retired (FEA-Retired). “So many friends had plans during this time—trips, or graduations, or weddings.”
Warner and others say they have been even more intentional about connecting with friends and family, though it had to be done virtually, and they have found celebrations or funerals to be particularly impersonal.
Mary Rose Ortega, a former elementary school teacher and a member of the board of directors for CTA and NEA, says the common worry for retirees about their parents or other family members has also been heightened during the COVID-19 pandemic.
“I’m concerned about my grandchildren’s education, and I’m worried about my mother’s health,” she says. “COVID-19 made many of the things that may have been on our minds a lot more troubling.”
Meanwhile, Janice Poirier, a former elementary school teacher who succeeded Warner as president of FEA-Retired, says the pandemic has added to retirees’ existing worries about their health, and it complicates simple tasks with the precautions needed for protection.
“It is hard for us to be seen as the vulnerable ones. We must stay at home, wash our hands frequently, and if we have to go out, wear a mask and gloves. And our doctor’s visits are often virtual. In many ways, COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on us,” she says.
The challenges of retirement
Kiefner, the former school nurse, can tick off symptoms she has seen that show the emotional toll of the virus on older people: an inability to concentrate or sleep, confusion, avoiding contact with others, or excessive focus on the news.
Celebrations, she notes, often have been strange and sterile. Her own 85th birthday celebration in late April involved a drive-by parade with nearly 20 cars. And other routine activities, such as banking, doctor’s appointments, shopping, and chats with grandchildren, have all required tech skills that have made these interactions frustrating at times.
For some, these concerns have compounded other emotional challenges of retirement.
“I was not prepared for not going to work. I was flat out miserable,” says Connie Wittig, who is on the board of directors of the Arizona Education Association– Retired. Before she retired 23 years ago, she held several positions in school offices in the Phoenix area, most recently as a secretary to a principal.
“I was always busy at school,” she says. But once Wittig retired, she “felt unneeded.”
Poirier felt similarly when her 38-year teaching career came to a close. “When I retired in 2018, and it was time for school to start again, I didn’t know what in the world I was supposed to do,” she says.
Over time, they both found other interests, but their feelings are common.
Overcoming Bumps in the Road
Retirees may face a host of challenges, including a loss of identity from their jobs, worries about their own health or that of their parents, an uncharted lifestyle, and a number of other nettlesome issues that can make the long-awaited “endless vacation” a disappointment, or worse. They often don’t know what to do with themselves once they leave their jobs, and that can be amplified for educators who make such strong connections with colleagues, their students, and their work, experts say.
Couples are often surprised by changes in their relationships as well. “Older couples have to, in a sense, learn how to enjoy having lunch together,” wrote Randall Paulson, a retired assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard University, in Harvard Health Publishing.
They also may need to find things to do alone and give each other space, says Joann Montepare, director of the RoseMary B. Fuss Center for Research on Aging and Intergenerational Studies at Lasell University in Newton, Mass.
Jacquelyn James is wary of what she calls “shoulds,” where retirees feel compelled to be obsessively active, probably in response to well-publicized advice that a packed calendar can lead to well-being. Some call it the “busy ethic,” she says.
It is often hard to plan precisely for retirement and handle the change—pandemic or not. People often don’t know how this stage of life will develop, James suggests.
“Sometimes trial and error leads to a very satisfying set of retirement activities,” she says. “It’s better for our well-being to be uninvolved in activities rather than to be involved but relatively unengaged or lacking a passion for the role we play.” Experts recommend taking time to see how retirement feels and what opportunities present themselves.
“No one should limit themselves or allow others to—and they shouldn’t expect aging to follow a particular pattern,” Montepare says. “It is very different for each of us, and we should understand and embrace that.”
Worried that you or someone you know needs help?
The American Psychological Association (APA) offers advice about when to seek professional help at apa.org/ptsd-guideline/ patients-and-families/seeking- therapy.
Need to find a therapist in your area? The APA (locator.apa.org) and Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com/us/therapist) offer online directories.
Check with your NEA affiliate. Some offer mental health support services. And, of course, talk to someone you trust.
